Dear BMW,
I am a 30-year-old married woman from the Central Region. I have an issue that has been bothering me for some time and I need your help.
I have been married for a decade now and my husband and I have two children. He has been a good father and friend to many.
With his medical profession, he is a good listener and worth talking to. He has many friends and he knows how to chat with them. To my relatives, he is just the best. He is a shoulder to lean on and helps everyone in need.
Why I am I writing to you now? As a husband and lover, he is the opposite of the characters he displays to people. His moods are like a season, sometimes he does not want to go out with me even or touch me in public. Holding hands is a no area for him. We walk like amayi ndi abambo not as husband and wife! Mind you, he is not even 40.
When he is at home, he does not like talking to me. He hardly texts me and his excuse is, nde tizicheza chani?
It is even worse in the bedroom. His performance is worse than that of his team, Manchester United. When he is broke, he stays away from me. He cannot have sex as if I ask him to pay me for it. We can sleep for weeks without touching, kissing or cuddling. It seems like zambiri ndimakakamiza. Koma mpaka 10 good years abale?
I suspect he is cheating on me. Should I leave him?
Nadzimbiri, via WhatsApp, Biwi, Lilongwe
Dearest Nadzimbiri,
You know what, I agree with you. Malawian men are useless. Your man and his likes are a bunch of useless lot. Actually, Malawian men are the worst, they are not romantic and they are misers. In fact, there are no men in Malawi!
You are too good for your man. You need someone who thinks of nothing, but sex. You need a man who does not work so he can be with you all day to nurse your romantic needs.
In fact, you need a bad boy! Most women, including you Nadzimbiri just can’t get enough of a bad boy. Good men irk you!
I have had few female friends who dump good guys and date guys that were clearly poisonous to their lives. They just could not see how unhealthy the dude was.
I know this because my ex-wife told me that dating a bad boy is quite exhilarating. She was 40 and dating a man old enough to be her dad! I caught her at it and dumped her. Look who is happy now.
Women usually get into the trap because the bad men know exactly what to say, how to say it, how to look at you, exactly where to touch you, etc. It’s like a well rehearsed play for them. They can do that for years. They are experts at the game of seduction.
Nice guys like your man generally tend to be shier than their counterparts or slow to go for what they want. Basically, they think too much. Your man is a good man and loves you, but he married a fool who expects a lot from others instead of giving.
Pitani kwa ena mukaone nyekhwe!
Big Man Wamkulu
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